Series on Navigating Sticky Employee Conversations

KDR Team • August 7, 2023

Series on Navigating Sticky Employee Conversations

Part 1 - Don't be afraid to talk about why you have high expectations

Hey friends, a very common reason that many leaders resist the necessary level of engagement to develop their team is fear. I know I’ve experienced this and I’m betting if you’re reading this, you have too. There is the fear of awkward conversations, fear of not knowing what to say, or fear of someone complaining and you not knowing how to resolve something. Let’s be honest, avoiding potentially difficult conversations doesn’t actually make problems go away, it often leads to them building into bigger problems. We call these sticky conversations because they can be challenging to navigate and are often emotionally charged so they tend to "stick" in the minds of both employers and employees because of their potential impact on relationships, team dynamics, and workplace culture.

We do know it will take more than just a pep talk to get you over some of the potential fears you have regarding difficult or awkward conversation. While we can’t teach you everything in this blog, visit our course Foundations for Team Culture if you’d like ALL the information, we DO want to arm you with four great tools for engaging and growing with your team through this series. These tools can be applied in lots of different scenarios, and be used by both you and anyone else helping to lead your organization.

Tool 1: Don’t be afraid to talk about WHY you have high expectations.

It’s not unusual for people to feel overwhelmed and scared about having to do something hard. I’ll share that the best kind of relationship to have with someone you are leading is to be their coach. Make sure THEY understand your role as a coach as well. Your job is not to do everything for them so they never feel challenged. Your job is to grow them and develop them, and you can’t do that without pushing them to try hard things. The rule here is “don’t do for someone what they can do for themselves.” It’s doing a disservice to them. So how do you help them understand why you’re doing that when you’re doing that?

Storytelling is a great way to paint a picture to help someone better understand something. So next time you’re in a scenario in which a team member is frustrated by your expectations, try this. “Jenny, I want you to tell me about the best teacher you ever had. Now, that may or may not have been your favorite teacher, but your BEST teacher.”

Then let them proceed to tell you about that influential teacher in their life. Once they are done describing, ask this question: “So, were they the best teacher because they were easy and never made you do anything new or hard, or were they the best teacher because they believed in you enough to have high expectations and encourage you to reach them?” They’ll know the answer and that will connect them to the current scenario that may seem challenging to them.

Conclude by reminding them it’s your responsibility to grow them, saying “I know I set high expectations, and I do that because I believe in you and know you can achieve them.” Another way to phrase this is “the least kind thing I can do is lower my expectations to make you feel better.”

The first time you lead someone in this way might feel different to you, but you’ll soon recognize that individuals will rise, perform better, and eventually as they understand the goal of professional development more and more, they will actually start coming to you for true GUIDANCE in solving a problem on their own rather than pushing back against a high expectation. You’ll very quickly start to see that developing your team is a healthier way for both them and for you to solve problems.

Be sure to check back for the next blog in this series, about how you can’t manage feelings, you can only manage behaviors.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Common Language: “Now, Soon, Later”

By David Bauer • December 22, 2025

If you’ve ever been in the middle of managing something truly urgent and had a team member approach you with what felt like a small concern, you know the tension I’m talking about. You’re triaging an urgent patient situation. A serious operational decision is unfolding. Your brain is fully in Fast Think mode. And suddenly, someone is standing next to you asking about next week’s schedule, a minor process question, or a frustration they want to talk through right now. So you told the truth, you didn’t have time. Later, you find out they felt dismissed. Or unheard. Or confused about why you didn’t seem willing to help. No one did anything “wrong,” but the disconnect still created friction. This is exactly where shared language matters. In earlier blogs , we talked about why a common language on a team is essential and how understanding Slow Think versus Fast Think helps teams work more effectively together. This tool builds on both of those ideas. The reality leaders don’t always say out loud: Many leaders, especially in healthcare, wear multiple hats at the same time. For example, you’re often switching between three distinct roles: Doctor Entrepreneur Leader The challenge is that those hats don’t always change on command. When you’re deep in your doctor role, managing a retinal concern, an acute red eye, or an unexpected complication, it can be genuinely hard to pivot immediately into your leader role and give a team member the time and attention they deserve. That doesn’t mean their concern isn’t important. It means the timing isn’t aligned. Most frustrations on teams come down to misaligned expectations, not bad intentions. I ntroducing the “Now, Soon, Later” language: “Now, Soon, Later” is a simple prioritization tool that gives teams shared language around timing without minimizing importance. The core question is: “Is this a now, a soon, or a later thing?” That’s it. Simple. Powerful. When leaders consistently use this language, a few important things happen. First, it reminds your team that you are balancing multiple roles and responsibilities in real time. If you can’t address something immediately, it’s not because it doesn’t matter. Second, it reassures them that there is a reason you may need to wrap up a conversation quickly or defer it altogether in that moment. Third, it gives them a framework to think through when and how they bring things to you. Over time, people naturally start to self-prioritize before interrupting. What this sounds like in real life: You might say: “I want to hear this. Is this a now, soon, or later thing?” “I’m in a now situation clinically. Can we put this in the soon bucket and circle back?” “This feels like a later conversation. Let’s find a time where we can both be present.” And yes, sometimes you may need to gently recalibrate expectations after the fact. That could sound like, “I’m not sure we’re on the same page yet about what counts as a now versus a soon. Let’s talk through that.” For this tool to work, follow-through matters. If you put something in the “soon” or “later” bucket and never come back to it, trust erodes quickly. The language only works when your actions reinforce it. Circling back doesn’t have to be elaborate. Even a quick: “Hey, you mentioned this earlier. I wanted to make sure we reconnect on it.” This language isn’t just for deflecting interruptions. It’s also a powerful way to show respect for your team’s workload. For example: “Susie, I have a few projects I’ll need from you, but none of them are a now. Let’s find a time that works with your current priorities to talk through them.” This approach acknowledges their capacity, avoids urgency inflation, and sets the tone for thoughtful planning instead of constant reaction.

Follow Us